Refiner's Fire
I finally dragged my butt down to urgent care the other night for my ear pain.
I was caught off guard when the Dr asked me, "So, what are you currently doing to take away the pain?"
Maybe I was caught off guard because I didn't think there were many options to choose from. Either Ibprophen or aspirin, right? Or maybe because I'm not accustomed to going to the Dr.
Either way, his question has been ringing in my ears all week.
The question has so much more loaded inside of it. And I have asked myself all week:
"What am I doing to take away my pain -{emotional pain}?
Of course I know. But that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with. Knowing doesn't make the doing much easier. I know my numbing agents very well.
Dr. Pepper.
Excessive use of sugar
Good old TV
These are my standard numbing agents.
I've told myself for so long, "they aren't THAT bad! I know a lot more numbing agents that are WAY worse!!"
But it's not WHAT I use to numb, it's the {act} of NUMBING that I want to address.
So, I am asking YOU,
{What are you doing to take away your pain? }
Ugg. That's not a nice question...
You may think? Pain? What pain? I don't have any pain?
Maybe you don't.
But I do know that most of us have pain.
I know I have spent my whole life running from my pain.
I have distracted myself in any way possible. I have numbed myself with sugar and caffeine.
Anything to help keep the pain at bay, and to pretend like it wasn't there.
Until the day came, when there was no more running. There were no more numbing agents.
And I got to choose.
I chose to finally stop running.
Stop numbing.
And walk through the pain.
I watched this documentary once about a culture that believes if you run through a raging fire, you will be cleansed and spiritually "saved."
I'm not apart of that belief system. I don't necessarily believe we have to physically run through a fire to be cleansed.
But I do believe there is an emotional fire we must finally choose to walk through.
Our own {refiner's fire.}
We get the opportunity to walk through this fire when we decided to stop running.
And it is only by going through THIS fire, that we can fully become who we want to be. This is the only way to feel the freedom and self expression we all hope to experience.
It's tricky because the fear of facing our pain is the enormous giant we try to hide from. It is filled with anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. These are our strongest opponents. They will always destroy us and our dreams.
Unless...
We stop running and stand boldly in who we are. All the parts inside of us. The parts WE hide from, the parts we hide from others, but mostly our pain.
For most people, the fear of going to the dentist OUTWEIGHS the actually fear that occurs {AT} the dentist.
Same principle applies here.
The fear of addressing what has wounded us, the pain that has been heavy on our shoulders is far greater and much more of a burden than actually turning and facing it.
The best part is, we don't have to go through our refiner's fire alone.
One thing I am certain of, is that Christ is not only in the light of our lives, but He is there in our darkest of times. We just don't usually think to look for Him in the darkness.
He is the path to healing. He always has and always will be.
I know that numbing is easier.
I think I actually prefer it until I experience the joy and freedom that can only come from feeling and not running.
We get One. Life.
Be bold and LIVE it.
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